


Waterproof

by kazuichisbeanie



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Crack, F/M, at first, i really like this ship i'm just bad at writing and also everything else, it was originally supposed to be crack but it ended up not? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 13:43:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15365934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazuichisbeanie/pseuds/kazuichisbeanie
Summary: He would short-circuit. He would sink. Hell, he's afraid of water. But Miu Iruma wouldn't let that stop her.---------this was originally pure crack for my friend (again) but then i was like "i'll turn it into real shit." so it's real shit.





	Waterproof

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nessandrie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessandrie/gifts).



> hey uhh just saying i might write more probably not uwu look at my ship fics like this but ship fics in the future idk so lemme know if i fucked up anywhere. aside from the entire thing.
> 
> what else do you want from me harmony

He would short-circuit. He’d sink. Hell, he was afraid of water. Did Miu listen? Of course not, no one told Miu Iruma, the Ultimate Inventor, what to think. Besides, Kiibo himself didn’t know if any of his many excuses would actually hold water, for lack of a better term. He’d never tried it. How was he supposed to know? Well, aside from when Kokichi told him that Roombas would fry when exposed to water. But standing at the water’s edge, not even his internal voice was leading him on.

 

“Try it, Keebs! The water’s fuckin’ great!” Miu exclaimed, as vulgar as ever. “I haven’t felt this wet in hours!”

 

Kiibo hesitated. “I really want to trust you on this, Miu, but… short-circuiting hurts.” Looking down at the crystal blue pool, he lightly touched the tip of his foot to the liquid. He felt… nothing. Nothing? Surely, he was already in mortal danger and would explode at any instant. Or at least he thought he would. But, no. No feeling at all. Internally, Kiibo was mortified. Externally, Kiibo was mortified. The blonde inventor swam up to the poolside and pulled herself up, sitting herself beside him.

 

She gazed up at the reluctant robot. “C’mon, Kiibo. I’ve already ran diagnostics on your internal structure five whole fucking times, and water ain’t gonna do shit. So either you enjoy having that cable rammed up your ass, or you’re lying to yourself. And believe you me, I’ve tried that before, and it was a bad move.”

 

“Lying to yourself?” Kiibo asked.

 

“Ye- no, havin’ a cable up my- god fuckin’... ugh, never mind,” Miu stumbled as she adjusted her bikini top and pushed her soggy hair up over her ear.

 

Kiibo sighed, exhausting steam from his mouth. “I’m just scared is all. You must be scared of something too, right?”

 

“Nah, nothing scares me.”

 

“Not even Gonta’s bugs?”

 

“Okay, Gonta’s bugs scare me.”

 

“So you know what I’m getting at, right?” the robot affirmed.

 

Kiibo was right. And damn, Kiibo was never right. What an accomplishment. Or maybe Miu was just hanging around Ouma too much. More like he would never fuck off. That’s beside the point, beside the point. The takeaway is that Kiibo was afraid. Of short-circuiting, of sinking, of water. And she knew how to remedy that.

 

“Alright, Keebs. I’ll make you a deal,” she broke the short silence.

 

“For the last time, Miu, letting me touch your breasts will not encourage me to try to swim.”

 

“No, no, not that,” the inventor began, standing up on the pool’s edge. “I have a device in my lab, it coats shit in an invisible barrier, make ‘em waterproof. Believe me, I’ve peed on it. Bad boy repels shit like no one’s business. I really didn’t want to have to use it, but if it makes you feel better, I’ll install it.”

 

“I don’t think I want it if you peed on it…”

 

“Oh don’t worry, I washed it afterwards.”

 

“But if it repels water, wouldn’t that have no effect?”

 

“Kiibo, just shut up and let me do this for you, okay?” she implored. The two were staring directly into each others eyes. Without her boots on, they were pretty evenly matched in height. People say eyes are like windows to the soul. Mirror was more appropriate, since Miu could see her reflection staring back at her.

 

She hoped he could say the same for her.

 

What felt like an awkwardly long time was broken up by Kiibo gulping, or whatever mechanics he had in place of the human function. Kiibo scratched the back of his synthetic hair. “M-Miu, are we j-just gonna stand here, or are we g-gonna… y’know?”

 

“Fuck…” she muttered.

 

Kiibo was just too good to be true. At first, that viewpoint was solely from an Ultimate-level position. She was the Inventor, he was the Robot. She’d take him apart, put him back together. He would offer suggestions to improve design details. She’d outfit him with her own designs. He’d test them out, with a smile on his face. But now? Now, it was his turn to take her apart. He had already reached her heart. She had a smile on her face.

 

And no feeling in her legs.

 

“Whh- Miu, are you okay?” Kiibo exclaimed as he caught Miu, right before she nearly tipped over, dropping head-first into the pool. In that same instant, the inventor snapped back to reality. “Oh, there goes gravity,” she hazily replied before straightening herself out. “Huh? Oh, uhh, yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Uh huh. Fuckin’ peaches and cream over here. Call me Kaito, ‘cause I’m Space Dandy.”

 

“What’re you talking about?” Kiibo pondered.

 

“I ‘unno. Can we, err, go… now? When I get the itch to work on inventions, I can’t shake it ‘til I rub one out,” she asked, a bit forcefully, as she broke free from Kiibo’s metallic grasp and started walking out.

 

“Aren’t you gonna change first?”

 

“Nah, who needs clothes? ‘Sides, Gonta’s already seen me half-naked like this anyways.”

 

“He _what?_ ”

 

“You heard me, Kiiboy. Now make like Astro Boy and c’mon!” Kiibo could do nothing but chase after her, just as she wanted him to.

 

“Who is Astro Boy?”

 

* * *

 

“Hmm. Okay, I think I’ve figured it out,” Miu decided after looking over all the blueprints laid out on the table in her Ultimate Lab, while Kiibo simply looked on from the experimentation bed in the middle of the room. As she made her way over to one of the overflowing drawers in the back of the room, muttering something under her breath, Kiibo couldn’t help but take an interest in her mindless ramblings.

 

He leaned upright, “Umm, Miu? What exactly are you-”

 

“Talking about going over the attachment procedure in my head why do you ask Kiibo hahahahaha?” she suddenly blurted out, while holding a seemingly everyday blender in her evidently shaking hands.

 

The robot frowned. “You seem concerned about something. If you’d like, I can play you some smooth jazz during the procedure!” he smiled innocently, raising his finger like he does every now and then. He then bent his finger down slightly at one of the knuckle hinges. “Although, I don’t see the need for a blender. What are you planning to do with it?”

 

“Oh, well I’m glad you asked! This blender is my invention!”

 

“Miu, I don’t believe your claims that you invented the blender are correct. In fact, the Polish-American Stephen J. Poplawski, owner of the Stevens Electric Company, began designing drink mixers in 1919 under contract with Arnold Electric Company, and patented the drink mixer in 1922 which had been designed to make Horlicks malted milkshakes at soda fountains.”

 

“Kiibo, I-”

 

“He also introduced the liquefier blender in 1922.”

 

“That’s great and all, but that’s not the fuckin’ point. I re-outfitted this blender into that water-resistance thing I was talkin’ about. Y’see, what it does is, it sucks in vapour in the air and turns that bitch into what I call Wet Spray.”

 

“It’s a spray? That seems counterproductive.”

 

“Would you just let me finish? Girls don’t reach climax as easily, y’know. Anyways, it turns that spray into an invisible film that coats the body of the blender, or in this case, you. Though, you may or may not be throwing up smoothies for a little while after we’re done here. And it may or may not still smell like piss.”

 

It smelled like piss.

 

“So,” Kiibo inquired, “what do I need to do?”

 

“Just open up the chest cavity.” And he did just that. Neither of them really did understand what he’d need a self-destruct button for when they removed it. Guess no one will know, now. “Oh, and, you’re gonna wanna go offline. Unless you like the feeling of having a screwdriver in your fuckin’ neck.”

 

“I get the picture. Thank you, Miu.” Kiibo pressed a button on the side of his neck. At this, the LED lights if his eyes went from blue to grey, signifying he had gone into sleep mode. Miu was left alone to attach a blender to a robot. In other words, an average Tuesday afternoon for her. But honestly. Honestly? Honestly. She threw up her arms in frustration, before even starting. Was he a dumbass or was he oblivious? For essentially being a supercomputer in a human suit, he sure couldn’t process anything. It was charming, yes, but it was also incredibly aggravating. Gorgeous girl genius Miu Iruma, standing right above him wearing nothing but a bikini asking him to turn himself off so she can fool around with his body and all he can say is “Thanks”? Robots certainly don’t have dicks, Miu could tell you that for a penny, but there’s no way they didn’t have common sense either. But here she was, attaching a blender to a robot. She rested her hand on his chest. Maybe now was a good time to weld that false dick on…

 

Or maybe not. Just get the thing in his chest and wake him back up. Don’t think he’d appreciate suddenly having a dick. It doesn’t even have the cereal-dispensing feature implemented yet. That’s essential.

 

“...Focus, Miu,” she thought out loud. Installing the blender should’ve only taken all of five minutes, but something was off. Flipping the cavity hatch closed, something was off. Screwing it shut, something was off. Turning him back on. Use your best judgment.

 

“Mornin’, Sleeping Beauty,” she joked. Kiibo sat up in the bed, feeling around his chest. “So, how does it feel to have inside of you?”

 

“It feels like you just screwed a blender onto me,” he dryly replied.

 

“That’s the point. Y’need help up, at all?” Miu continued, subconciously just looking for a reason to hold his hand. Unfortunately for her, she was inadvertently shot down as the robot pushed himself up and off the bed and onto the ground with a hard _clang_.

 

“No need, thank you. So this will make me waterproof?” he asked, poking at his own chest. “Interesting. I cannot wait to try it out!”

 

“You’re that eager already? God, keep your pants on, Kiibs.”

 

Miu wasn’t one to talk.

 

* * *

 

Kiibo found himself in a similar situation. Miu had jumped in, and was now calling for him to climb in after her. He had done this before, but he felt confident now. He felt the blender, and that blender was making a nice confidence smoothie. If confidence was water vapour in the air turned into a repellent, then sure. He didn’t know how to do it, though. Should he just jump in and risk sinking? Does the blender protect him from that? If it’s completely water repellent, shouldn’t he pull a Kami-sama and walk on the pool’s surface? Does the repellent even work on something as large a-

 

Without thinking, knowing or even seeing it, Kiibo just walked into the pool. Internally, he was fine. Externally, he was fine. This is fine. “This is great, actually!” he proclaimed. Just like before, Miu swam over to his side.

 

“You alright there, Kiibo?” she asked with a worried expression. “Everything workin’ up to snuff?”

 

“Yes! I’m… I’m doing it! I’m swimming!” Well, it was more like stationary floating, but he wasn’t sunk like a rock so that’s on the plus side. But on the minus side was his own feelings. “But… Miu, if I may be honest with you…”

 

“What is it, Kibble?”

 

“I, uhh… knew about this.”

 

“The blender?”

 

“The fact that I can enter bodies of water.”

 

“So what the fuck was the point in any of this?” Miu yelled, splashing water as she jerked her arms upwards for the second time that day.

 

“I wanted to spend more time with you is all!” he quickly explained, face sensors turning beet red to emulate blushing.

 

“You- I- what?” That speech pattern was the same as the thought process running through the inventor’s mind. Her own face was matching the shade of “Why… didn’t you just say so?”

 

“Because! I thought! You’d be too busy!” he forced the words out. Miu literally felt the heat emanating off his metallic body. Whether it was working overtime keeping him afloat or him just not understanding these emotions well, or at all for that matter, Miu knew she felt it too.

 

“Well, in that case, Kiibo… the blender’s just a regular-ass blender. It blends shit.” This was another thing Miu knew. She wanted the same as him. “But, if you’d like, I _guess_ we can work together and build an actual water-repellent blender. How’s that sound?”

 

“I’d… like that, Miu.”

 

“I’d like that too. I might as well go get changed, we got work to do, eh?”

 

Kiibo simply nodded as he followed Miu up the pool’s steps. Oddly enough, he was completely dry. Huh. “Hey, Miu?” he stopped her while she headed into the changing room. “One last thing.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I like you.”

 

“I like you too, Kiibo.”


End file.
